Don't you yearn for the days of politeness and respect?
Don't you long for the days when the customer was always right?
Don't you miss the friendly greeting as you walk in the door?
DON'T COME INTO THIS SHOP THEN!
In return for the HUGE STOCK, the very small prices, and
the extremely informative advice, all we ask in compensation is
the opportunity to insult, abuse and generally wind you up, all of
course in a very professional and quiet manner. I apologise to the
hard of hearing for this quiet tone but if I raise my voice I could
inadvertently and without any malice aforethought awaken one or
all of the members of staff from his or her daytime slumber.
On a more serious note however, this is genuinely one of the few remaining
Aladdins‛ Caves in the modern world of overpriced, impersonal superstores. We
carry a huge range of diy ‘stuff‛. More detailed information can be found on the
relevant product pages but as a general guide, you will find the following in store:
Glass for pictures, windows and greenhouses
Swish curtain rail (sologlyde, de-luxe and superluxe)
and in lengths up to 5 metres in stock !
Toilet seats (sorry, no trade-ins)
Stepladders
Rotary clothes driers (‘whirlygigs‛ to you and me)
Probably the widest range of light bulbs in the west
So put in your ear plugs, discard your egos, thicken your skins
and come on in. A warm welcome awaits you………………………aye right!
Him (and the staff).
